What if it was?
by RainaParker
Summary: Reaction to the season 3 finale. A look at the ways each characters death would affect the team. Please read and review
1. Garcia

**AN- Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 4!**

**Disclaimer- None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning- Contains Character Death!**

What if it was Garcia?

She was everything to this team she was our sanity. I can't watch as her office is cleaned out. Boxes and boxes of trinkets, little pieces of the joy that once filled that now sterile room. Little pieces of her love carried away.

I thought when she was shot that was it. That I wouldn't ever let her get hurt again but I did. I should have done better.

Reid stood outside her office and watched. I don't know how but he did and when it was done he asked me why. He asked me how he could have a brain that could make so many stupid connections and he couldn't stop this from happening. All I could do was wonder the same thing, how could he not see?

Rossi did paperwork. He did all the paperwork while her office was cleared. Every request we got Rossi filled out. It was his own personal mission, to do the paperwork, to let everyone else just be.

Prentiss never spoke. She just didn't say anything at all. JJ tried to talk to her but she just stared back until Hotch finally drove her home.

JJ sat with Will who Hotch had asked to stick around even though none us truly knew why most likely just for JJ. They sat in the kitchenette and she cried. The one who always comforted everyone else cried silent tears while we all wished we could make it go away.

When Hotch came back from taking Prentiss home his tie was lose and his eyes were red and swollen. No one mentioned it or asked if he was okay, he was Hotch and we all knew he would say yes no matter what.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN- Well I hope you all like this and will review. This might end up being a chapter fic if I get a positive response to it or even if I don't. I am shocked and saddened by the finale as well as a little angry that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	2. Hotch

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was Hotch?

He was our leader. How do we do any of this without him? The Bureau sent security people with high clearances to clear his office of paperwork that our team did not have the clearance to view. They left many case files and pictures of Jack.

I wonder what kind of man Jack will grow to be without Hotch there to guide him. I asked Haley if she would mind if I was there from time to time when the kid needed someone and she agreed with tear filled eyes that he would need someone to tell him of his father and show him how to be a man that Hotch would be proud to call his son.

Reid sat at his desk and cried. He asked me why I hadn't cried and I told him it there was too much to do to cry. I regretted saying it when he looked at me like a kicked puppy. All I could do was wonder the same thing, how could I not cry for Hotch?

Rossi did paperwork. He did his own and then all of Hotch's. He told me that the position would probably be offered to me and I told him that I didn't want it, not this way.

Prentiss never spoke. She just didn't say anything at all. JJ tried to talk to her but she just stared back. Garcia told me that she was hysterical in the bathroom and that she wondered if there was more than a professional relationship between the two that we were unaware of.

JJ sat with Will who Rossi had asked to stick around for JJ. They sat in the kitchenette and she cried. Then she got up and was the JJ we all knew again. She went to prepare a statement to the press about the dedicated agent that had sacrificed everything. She told me that she had to for Jack who while too young to remember this would someday want to know what was said about his father.

Garcia cried and then she gathered the rest of us in her office. She told us that we would all be okay and that as hard as it was there was a reason for this too. She told stories until we all shared something about Hotch and in the end everyone left laughing through tears.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN Well I hope you all like this and will review. I love that so many of you liked this and had a similar idea to focus on each one as a possible death. I am STILL shocked and saddened by the finale as well as a little angry that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	3. JJ

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was JJ?

She was our heart. She comforted us all in her quiet way. She made the bad not so bad and allowed us all to see that what we could do was enough even when it didn't feel that way. She died with Will and in a way that seems fitting; that she would spend her last moments with the only man she had truly let love her.

I wonder about the mother she would have been. She already was a mother in a way. She took care of us. She planned our trips and held our hands. She was our mother even though the only one younger than her was Reid. She would have been a wonderful mother she already was.

Reid sat at his desk and cried. He asked me why it had been her. Told me it should have been him that she had been loved by so many; that she knew about people and it should have been him instead. He said that it was unfair that this happened when she was finally so happy. All I could do was wonder the same thing, how could it have been JJ when she had so much love to give?

Rossi did paperwork. He never left his office and when Garcia went in she swore that he had been crying. He told her that JJ was just too good and 

that in a strange way he felt like he had lost a member of his family. When I asked her what she said to him she smiled and replied that it was about time he had figured that out.

Prentiss never spoke. She just didn't say anything at all. Hotch tried to talk to her but she just stared back. He eventually convinced her that she should go home and shower at least. When he came back he said that he had gotten her to stay at home. His hair was wet.

Hotch made plans for the funeral. He called her family in East Allegany and made arrangements to clear out her office. He told me that she had stacks of case files and her voicemail was full, he called each person back personally and handled all their requests.

Garcia immediately started mothering the rest of us; she made sure everyone was alright. She got Reid coffee, made Rossi talk, reminded Hotch that someone should call New Orleans for Will, and held Prentiss for until Hotch took her home.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good bad or boring I just want your opinions. I am STILL shocked and saddened by the finale as well as a little angry that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	4. Rossi

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was Rossi?

He was new but he was starting to be our friend. We didn't even really know him. Reid wanted so badly to and Hotch seemed to but the rest of us were indifferent and that is almost the saddest part of this whole event.

I wonder what it would have been like if he had been with us longer. Reid idolized him at first and even when that passed he still held Rossi above the rest of us. His opinion was so hugely important to Reid. His place was not established and it has yet to be seen how he will even be remembered here.

Reid sat at his desk. He told me it was not fair. At first I was not sure what he meant but then I got it. Every man he looked up to as a father figure was torn from his life. He told me that on their road trip Rossi had seemed annoyed and he asked me if I thought Rossi had liked him. I told him yes but I wonder if Rossi liked any of us.

Prentiss never spoke. She just didn't say anything at all. JJ tried to talk to her and she stared back absently. Hotch took her home but on the way out I heard her tell him that she had hardly known the man but she had tears in her eyes.

Hotch came back and sat in his office pretending to do paperwork. He really knew him that was all I could think. They had been friends and now Hotch had lost his equal on this team once more. He left his door open but we knew better than to bother him. I heard him make a phone call. He told whoever it was that he needed them and was wondering if he could come over after he was done with everything at the office. A little while later Emily came back and went to his office shutting the door behind her.

JJ sat with Will. He told her everything would be alright and then begged her not to go into the field to which she agreed. She went to talk to Hotch about the press conference she had planned and found him crying to Emily. She left before either saw her but she told Garcia that Prentiss was telling him that she thought it was him when the radio call had gone out.

Garcia asked me if he had any family and I realized that I didn't know. She listed all the things she knew about him. That he had no children and that she knew he was divorced. That he loved the outdoors and fishing and that she thought he might have a dog. She laughed through tears and told me that all she knew of him could be found on the back of one of his books or by a Google search. We should have known him better that is all she kept saying.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I am STILL shocked and saddened by the finale as well as a little angry **

**that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	5. Reid

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was Reid?

He was our baby. He was the innocence of this team even after his trauma in Georgia. Reid wanted so badly to have a family and he had found that here. I wonder if he knew that.

He had survived so much here and had finally trusted us with his past at least parts of it. I wanted to help him grow up and in many ways I believe that I did but still I wonder if he knew that he was the brother I never had.

Rossi did paperwork. When Garcia went to check on him he asked her if Reid knew how much he had respected him. She said that she was sure he did. And then Rossi told her that he should have been nicer to him that he knew that Reid looked up to him and he should have been better to him. She told him he was right.

Prentiss never spoke. She just didn't say anything at all. Hotch talked to her and got no response but he kept talking. Finally she said what we had all been thinking; he was just a kid and shouldn't have suffered the way he did in Georgia just to die the next year. Tears poured from her eyes and Hotch held her

JJ sat with Will. She went Reid's desk and sat for a few minutes before completely breaking down. Her almost hysterical sobbing could be heard throughout the BAU. Prentiss tried to calm her but it was Will who took her to her office where she was able to calm down enough to write Reid's eulogy.

Garcia begged Hotch to let her put a flashlight in his coffin. She pleaded and said that she didn't want him to be scared. Hotch told her that he would never be scared again and there was no need but she insisted until he finally agreed.

Hotch took his tie off. He went and made coffee and rolled his sleeves up and sat in the break room. No one was sure what to do but finally Prentiss went in and sat with him and when we heard laughing we went in too. He was telling her of Reid's magic trick on the train and how he had asked us to look like we would see him again. He looked around at all of us and said I wish we could see him again.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN This was extremely hard to write and I truly hope it was not Reid. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I am STILL shocked and saddened by the finale as well as a little angry that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	6. Prentiss

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was Prentiss?

She was so our strength. Even on the worst days, at the worst moments she never lost her cool. Sometimes I wondered about that but then I think she did too. On the plane she would ask about the difference between us and the monsters we chase, she never seemed to understand that we thought like monsters to catch them and that was the difference.

I think Emily was searching for who she was. She was longing for a place to belong and though she had found that here I don't think she realized it. I wonder if in her last moments she thought of us, her family.

Rossi did paperwork. He told Garcia when she went to check on him that he thought Prentiss was a lot like him and that she would want him to do paperwork right now. When Garcia was leaving he asked her to shut his door and when she did she saw him wipe away a tear.

Reid sat at his desk staring at hers. He looked as if he was waiting for her. He asked me what he should do on Monday morning when she didn't come to work and I told him he should remember her for a moment and then carry in her memory. He asked me how and I wondered the same thing.

JJ sat with Will. She called Emily's mother to inform her of what had happened and the Ambassador must have taken it badly and said something to JJ because the next thing anyone knew JJ was yelling. Telling her that Emily was family to us and that we loved her for who she was and that at least Emily knew that. Will took the phone and tried to calm both women but ended up hanging up on Emily's mother.

Garcia played music in her office and tried not to let anyone see her cry. She wanted everyone to be okay but needed to figure out how herself. When she came down Reid laughed at her make-up running down her face and so did she. Then in her Garcia way she held him while whispering comfort in his ear.

Hotch sat in his office and cried. He had done what he could in New York but that was not enough I overheard him saying on the phone. When he finally came down to where the rest of us were gathered in the kitchenette his eyes were red and swollen and Rossi pulled him aside to what they thought was a private conversation but we all heard Rossi ask how long he had loved her and we all heard him say too long to have never told her.

It was odd I just watched them. Numb to it all. I just watched.

**AN Two in one night that must be a record for me! If you would like the next chapter tonight please REVIEW. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I am STILL shocked and **

**saddened by the finale as well as a little angry that we all have to wait so long to see what happens and who was in the car that exploded. **


	7. Morgan

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Warning Contains Character Death!**

What if it was me?

My mind drifted as I was thrown back from the SUV. I don't know what told me to go back inside or why I used the remote starter when I returned but that is what happened. I remember being thrown backwards and hitting my head.

I think Emily was the first to see me. I remember hearing her voice. She was on the phone and crying. She said something about something being like shrapnel wounds and was whispering Hotch it's really bad you had better come.

Rossi was there next I think. I remember hearing a woman ask about insurance and him telling Emily he would handle all the paperwork. I wondered if he had a case file with him or what he was talking about. He said that he would have to have Garcia get the medical records and I wondered who had been hurt.

Reid sat in the room. It was as if I could just tell he was near. He asked me a bunch of questions and I wondered why he was talking to me like I was not there. He wouldn't stop talking asking things I had no idea about and 

somehow it was comforting. He asked me what had happened and I wondered the same thing.

JJ sat with Will. I could hear them talking and I wondered if he moved to Virginia how long it would take for his accent to disappear. He was good to her I could hear him trying to reassure her that everything was fine. She said that she was planning a press conference about the explosion and I wondered who had been hurt. She was talking like there was no hope and I wished that I could ask her what had happened.

Garcia played music on her iPod. She told me everything would be fine. But she seemed to be trying to convince herself. She kept telling me what everyone else was doing and it sounded like everyone was fine. I wondered why everyone was so upset if they were all fine and then I realized that she was whispering to me that I would make it. What was she talking about?

Hotch came in and told Garcia to get some rest and she finally agreed. He told me that he had done what he could. He talked about all the things I had done to piss him off and how this was the worst. Then he started to yell at me. It made my head hurt and I couldn't understand what he was saying. When a female voice told him to stop or she would call security he did and he got close and whispered Derek it's time to wake up. Was he crying? Was I asleep? I heard Emily then trying to convince him that he too needed rest and that she would take him back to the hotel.

It was odd I just listened to them. Numb to it all. I just listened.

**AN There you go three in one night that must be a record for me! Please REVIEW. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. So what do you all think should that be it or do you want more to this story or possibly a sequel?**


	8. Is this a Dream?

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well this story seems to have confused a few of you so I will explain a couple little things.**

**- First of all it was Morgan who got hurt; the pervious chapters were his thoughts at hearing what had happened while in a coma. He heard bits and pieces when people were talking in his room, to him and each other. He was confused and thought it was different people as his mind struggled to understand that it was he who had been wounded. **

**-Second for those of you who want a chapter for Will in this story, he "died" in the JJ chapter.**

What if it was me?

The pounding in my head just won't stop. I wish that someone would just make it stop. But I guess I should be thankful for it as it seems to make the other pain go away. There seems to be pain with every breath. I must have hurt my ribs somehow.

Emily is with me in what I think must be the morning. She says good morning so it must be. She reads to me as if she is struggling to have something to say. Always Vonnegut today it was stories from the "Welcome to the Monkey House" collection. I remember hearing her voice. Before she left she told me that I should wake up. That they are all waiting for me to wake up.

Rossi comes next I think. He tells me stories and I wonder if he thinks that I am dying. Somehow I feel like I know him better when I can't talk back. He always tells me he has seen worse. I am not sure what he is talking about but he seems to be talking about soldiers and war wounds and I don't really understand why he keeps telling me it could have been worse.

Reid, sometimes he just sits. When he does talk he just asks me a million questions that I don't understand and I wish I could tell the kid that everything will be fine. It is the first time I have heard him so unsure and that kind of worries me. I heard him tell Hotch that he needed to go to a meeting and I wonder what meeting he would have that Hotch wouldn't.

JJ stopped by with Will. He was going back home to pack his things and move to Virginia. He told me to be strong and I wonder what made him think I wasn't. JJ stayed with me and talked about how everyone was doing, she cried a little bit when she told me that I was going to be an uncle and that I needed to pull through. I think that I am hurt badly and I just wanted to hug her.

Garcia comes in and calls me gorgeous. She tells me everything will be fine. I can't see her but I can feel her bright colors surrounding me. I like it when she comes. She talks to me like I am still here. The others seem to think that I am somewhere else but not my baby girl she knows I am here.

Hotch comes in and Garcia leaves. He sits for a while before he starts talking. He tells me he is sorry for yelling. But that he really needs me to wake up; that the whole team needs me to wake up and I wish I could. It makes my head hurt. I want so badly to tell him that I am sorry for screwing up. That I want to wake up too. Wake up. Emily comes to take him back 

and they tell me goodnight. I want to call out to them to stay a while longer but I can't seem to make myself.

It was odd I just listened to them. Aware of it all. I just listened.

**AN Please REVIEW. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I guess that I will continue this as it will not leave me alone! Should he wake up in the next chapter?**


	9. Waking up a Little

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3!**

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well this story seems to have confused a few of you so I will explain a couple little things.**

**- First of all it was Morgan who got hurt; the pervious chapters were his thoughts at hearing what had happened while in a coma. He heard bits and pieces when people were talking in his room, to him and each other. He was confused and thought it was different people as his mind struggled to understand that it was he who had been wounded. **

**-Second for those of you who want a chapter for Will in this story he "died" in the JJ chapter.**

What if it was me?

I remember closing my eyes to block out the light of the fire. It was so bright I felt like just looking at it would burn. That is what it feels like now the light is so bright. I can hear birds and the sweet sound of laughter somewhere in the distance, I am warm and there doesn't seem to be any pain, just that light.

The light seems to make me want to sleep longer to just pull the covers over my head and wait until later to wake up but then I remember that my family is waiting for me to tell them that it will be okay. They have all told me that for what seems like weeks and now it is my turn to tell them.

Emily is with me. She is reading to me again, more Vonnegut. I can hear her voice. I try to open my eyes so that she will know that I am here listening to her but they just won't open. It is like they are taped shut. I want her to know that I am awake but she just keeps reading to me.

Rossi comes next. He asks her how I am today and I want to tell him that I am awake but she says I am the same. He walks her out while the nurse comes in to change my bandages. It is then that I know how badly I am hurt. It hurts everywhere and she talks to me in a soothing voice telling me she will be done soon. As she goes to leave she takes my hand telling me that I have wonderful friends and I squeeze it unwilling to let her go. She calls out for the doctor and I hear Emily and Rossi run back in the room. They know now I think as I drift back to sleep.

Reid sometimes he just sits. But not today, today he talks endlessly about things that only Reid would talk about. He tells me that I will be in Physical Therapy for an undetermined amount of time and that I am on Morphine right now so if there is any pain I can just ask for more. He tells it is okay to ask for it when it hurts and that he will make sure that I am okay with it. It is then that I understand the meeting he told Hotch about and I want so badly to tell my kid brother that it is okay as he tells me he is so very sorry.

JJ comes. She talks to the doctors and nurses and coordinates my transfer to a DC hospital. She says that my mother will be there staying with family and I realize that the family she is speaking of is my team. She tells me that she knows that I can hear her and that is time to wake up.

Garcia comes in and calls me gorgeous. I want so badly to wake up for her and when I do I can still not seem to figure out how to talk or open my eyes. I want to call her baby girl and make her laugh. I want to wake up for Penelope.

Hotch comes in and my family is all there. He sits for a while and they are all quiet before he starts talking. He tells me that they have had enough. That he is sick of waiting and that I need to wake up now. I can hear Emily, JJ, and Garcia tell him to stop. Still he goes on. "Damn it Morgan that is an order! Wake up now"

"Stop yelling Hotch, man. I'm awake" That was what I am trying to say but it comes out as a groan and I can hear them all stop and gasp but I can also hear Garcia laughing.

It is odd I am awake. I wonder how long I slept. I am awake.

**AN Please REVIEW. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I guess that I will continue this as it will not leave me alone! **


	10. Alright I'm awake

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3! **

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well this story seems to have confused a few of you so I will explain a couple little things.**

**- First of all it was Morgan who got hurt; the previous chapters were his thoughts at hearing what had happened while in a coma. He heard bits and pieces when people were talking in his room, to him and each other. He was confused and thought it was different people as his mind struggled to understand that it was he who had been wounded. **

**-Second for those of you who want a chapter for Will in this story he "died" in the JJ chapter.**

It was me.

"Morgan can you hear me? If you can hear me open your eyes." Hotch sounds like shit. His voice has a cracking quality that I only remember hearing when Reid was held in Georgia.

I try to open my eyes but that damn light. It is like looking directly into the sun, only brighter. If they could just realize that the light won't let me see them then maybe they would make it stop.

"Light" I don't know if my words are really words.

"I got it Morgan hang on." Prentiss understands what I am saying and the light fades as the sound of blinds being drawn enters my ears; it is the best sound I have ever heard.

My eyes open slowly and even the dim light that is now in the room forces them quickly shut. It takes a few tries but they are finally open and it is then that I am able to focus on the team that is surrounding me.

Emily smiles at me. She doesn't say anything. She just smiles as if she has been waiting forever to see me again.

"How are you?" Rossi asks as he smiles down at me.

"Been better" I whisper. It feels like I swallowed razors.

Reid looks almost scared like if he speaks I may disappear back into myself.

"Hey kid its okay now." I cough as JJ brings me water. Reid smiles.

JJ laughs as she takes the cup away from my greedy lips. "Welcome back."

"How long was I out?" My voice is better since the water but I still feel as if my throat is raw.

"Too long Gorgeous. You scared us." There she is in her pinkest of pink dresses.

"Sorry Baby Girl." I wink at her.

"I should call your Mother and tell her you are awake. And Morgan," he waits for me to nod "you should be sorry." Hotch smiles. Yes Hotch actually smiles, damn how long have I been asleep?

It is good I am awake. I wonder how long I slept. But my family is here and I am awake so I guess that doesn't really matter.

**AN Please REVIEW. I am glad that so many of you are reading this but would love it if you would review, good, bad, or boring I just want your opinions. I guess that I will continue this as it will not leave me alone! He will talk to each one individually so who should be first?**


	11. Could you stay?

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3! **

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well this story seems to have confused a few of you so I will explain a couple little things.**

**- First of all it was Morgan who got hurt; the previous chapters were his thoughts at hearing what had happened while in a coma. He heard bits and pieces when people were talking in his room, to him and each other. He was confused and thought it was different people as his mind struggled to understand that it was he who had been wounded. **

**-Second for those of you who want a chapter for Will in this story he "died" in the JJ chapter.**

It was me.

My mind is a blur. I have been asleep for God knows how long and for some reason as much as I want to be with my family I'm so tired that is all I can think of. My eyes start to flutter and I can tell that they have seen it. One by one they begin to get up to leave.

"Reid, will you stay?" I don't know why but I feel as if I must talk to him first.

"Um yeah s-sure Morgan." He almost seems scared and that is the last thing that I want but I need to talk to him.

"Reid, I'm just gonna rest my eyes then we can talk." I close my eyes and hear the rest of the team leaving the crowded room.

When I woke up the first thing I noticed was a soundly sleeping Reid bent over uncomfortably in a straight backed chair, and the open blinds that signaled the arrival of night.

"Reid" I tried not to startle him but he bolted upright as if a gun had been fired in the small room.

"Hey." He smiled shyly at me once he realized where he was.

"How long have I been out?"

"Since the last time you woke up about nine hours, since you have been here eight days."

"Oh well no wonder you all sounded so worried. Why didn't you wake me up today?" There is a look of fear on his face that I don't understand.

"You heard us talking?" Reid asked as he shifted to a more comfortable position.

"Yeah... Reid why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what Morgan?" He won't look me in the eyes and I can tell that he really does not want to have this conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me about the drugs?" It seems to make the most sense to just say it.

"I didn't tell anyone. Hotch knows but only because he figured it out on his own. I'm sorry Morgan I should have told you. I should have trusted you." He is looking at his shoes and I can see tears streaming down his thin face which looks thinner than it did when I saw him last, last week.

"Reid. It's okay. I heard you tell Hotch that you needed a meeting and I heard you tell me about the Morphine and well I guess I just wanted to tell you that it's okay. I understand why you didn't tell me. I just wanted you to know that I know now and if you need to talk I may not understand being addicted but I understand being in pain and I understand trying not to show it." I tried to just get it out and prayed that it made some sort of sense but I figured that if anyone could connect the dots of what I was saying it would be Reid.

"Thank you." His eyes met mine and I knew that it meant more than anything either of us was saying ever could.

"Now go back to the hotel and get some sleep, you look like I feel. No wait get a cheeseburger then some sleep." I smile at him as he finally got up and smiles back.

"Hey kid you waited nine hours for me to wake back up?"

"You asked me to stay Morgan."

**AN This may be my favorite chapter so please REVIEW it I want to know what you all think. I am glad that so many of you are reading this story. ! He will talk to each one individually so who should be next?**


	12. Like Family?

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3! **

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well this story seems to have confused a few of you so I will explain a couple little things.**

**- First of all it was Morgan who got hurt; the previous chapters were his thoughts at hearing what had happened while in a coma. He heard bits and pieces when people were talking in his room, to him and each other. He was confused and thought it was different people as his mind struggled to understand that it was he who had been wounded. **

**-Second for those of you who want a chapter for Will in this story he "died" in the JJ chapter.**

It was me.

The light streaming in from the blinds that Reid left open wakes me the following morning. For the first time I am awake and coherent enough to realize just how badly this hurts. My legs feel as if they are wrapped in cement that was filled with razors. There is throbbing every time I take a breath and even moving my hands feels like it takes too much strength.

I can see now how Reid got lost to the drugs because I would give anything for them right now but the button is too far away to reach.

"How are you this morning?" Rossi asks as he enters the room smiling.

"Please..." I gasp a little at the pain in my chest. "Please press the morphine." I look to him with desperation in my voice and then to the little red button with hope.

He rushes into the room and quickly presses the button multiple times. "It only works twice." I manage to smile at him, but he is not smiling back. His brows are low and close and I can see the worry written on his face.

"Is it better?" He asks after a few minutes.

"Yeah. Thank you."

"How long have you been in that much pain? Maybe one of us should stay here." I can see the concern wash over him.

"Since I woke and no I do not need a babysitter. Boy… I really blew my chances of promotion huh? And by blew I mean I literally blew them up." I try to laugh.

"That's not funny. And actually I have still heard talk of promotion." Though he said he didn't like the joke I can see a smile behind the scowl.

"I don't want it. My family is at the BAU and that is where I belong."

"I know that."

"I heard you guys you know when I was out." He raises his eyebrows at me.

"Really?" I can see him trying to mask the emotion on his face.

"Yeah it was kind of strange, just bits and pieces of what was being said though." I think back to the dream I had where JJ was the one in the car and remember him saying she was like family and for a moment I wonder if that was real if he said those things about me or if it was just that a dream.

"If you remember then you should know that I meant what I said." He looks at the door for an escape obviously uncomfortable with this level of honesty.

"Yeah you are like family to me to Rossi. You are like the asshole cousin who does what he wants and tells everyone about it when it is too late to do anything about. " I smile.

"Yup and you're the smart ass kid who just doesn't know when to stop and is just a little too proud to admit his mistakes." He smiles back.

**AN Okay so if you hate it fine but I just couldn't imagine a real heartfelt conversation between these two. If enough of you review that you hate it I will take it down and repost a more sentimental version, but I hope you like it********. I am glad that so many of you are reading this story. He will talk to each one individually so who should be next?**


	13. Pretending to sleep

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3! **

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**Okay well it has been about three months since I updated this and for that I am sorry. I have left this fic and my other Her Goodbye for entirely too long so I will be trying in the next couple of weeks to actually finish them. Again I am sorry and hope that your reviews will motivate me to finish both of them.**

It was me.

Morphine is a blessing. The pain is worse than any physical pain I have ever experienced and without the drug I doubt very much that I would have the will to survive. My ribs are broken and my legs have been operated on twice this week. They tell me the blast sent metal shards into my flesh in a way I don't even wish to imagine, they called a doctor from Walter Reed Army Hospital for advice on my treatment. It is a war wound that is what the nurses have said when they think I am sleeping.

It seems I have not been doing it that well. Sleep that is, I wake with the fear that it was not me and that my earlier dreams were true that my team, my family, has been lost. An explosion took my family once before in Boston and I wonder if they hurt as bad as I do now and then I try to stop myself from thinking such thoughts because I know that it will only destroy what comfort I have gained over the years by praying that for them it was over fast with no knowledge that the end was near.

In a way I wonder if for me this is just a stopping place between the blast and the end of my life. It seems doubtful to me that I will ever be able to return to the BAU and what is my life really without that. I also worry as the doctors seem concerned about what they are calling antibiotic resistant bacteria which I am sure Reid could explain to me if I wanted to worry him with it.

I am lost in thoughts like these when I hear Hotch say good morning to the young nurse changing the bandages on my swollen legs. She asks him to wait at the door and I am grateful that he has been spared the sight of my shredded flesh.

"Has he been awake at all?" I can hear the concern in his voice when he asks her this as she is leaving.

"No, thankfully he seems to be resting." With that she is gone.

I wonder if he just plans to sit here but I guess he does because I can hear a pen moving across paper, he has brought reports with him. In a way I want him to go only because I want to be alone with my thought for the time being even if those thoughts are at the present a dark place to be. I pretend to sleep and hope that he doesn't notice.

I am unsure how long he has been here or how long I have actually slept but when I wake I open my eyes to see him looking at me with worry written across his face.

"Morning" He left off the 'good' and I wonder if there is a reason for that before I remember exactly where I am and why.

"Yeah" It is all I can think to respond and I know that he has read more into it than I wanted him to see. He is Hotch after all.

"How are you?" It is a question you ask when you can think of nothing else to say and I know that as much as he feels he should be here he wishes he weren't.

"I'm okay." I close my eyes granting him permission to leave but he stays and after a few minutes I am convinced that he believes I am once again sleeping.

I let him believe that.

I am not sure how much time has passed but I hear someone enter the small room that has been my home for almost two weeks.

"Hey Emily." He sounds sad and that was not my intention with my fake sleep but it is too late now to tell him that.

"Hey how are you? How is he?" She sounds almost more worried about him and a small part of me wants to laugh at that but a larger part want to hear them for a moment or two. While I was sleeping somewhere within my mind I thought that there was more to the two of them than the rest of the team knew.

"He has been asleep on and off. I think he has finally realized how badly he is hurt. He seems sad when he's awake and Em… I don't know how to make any of this better." He called her Em; maybe I wasn't so wrong in my drug-induced head trauma filled coma.

"You be here that's how you make this better you do exactly what you have been doing." I almost think he may be crying but this is Hotch we are discussing so I must be wrong. "Everything will be fine and I know that sounds I don't know you know…He is strong."

"But is he strong enough for this?" It is at this point that I start to feel like an asshole for letting them think I am asleep.

"Yes as a matter of fact I am." I smile at them and watch as she steps away from his embrace. "It's okay Emily I kind of figured out the two of you had... well I'm not sure what but there is something between you."

"What? What are you talking about? There's nothing going on." She looks almost scared for an instant until she seems to understand that it is me she is lying to and then she smiles like a child who has broken the rules. Glancing at Hotch I see a mix of uncertainty and concern wash over him.

"Hotch, its cool, no worries man." He nods at me and smiles a rare smile that he seems to save for moments when he truly feels joy.

I drift to sleep, after pretending to sleep all day which in truth was actually exhausting, listening to them discuss whether or not they should tell the rest of the team and if one of them should transfer to another unit. I hope that neither does but I also realize that they are my family no matter where they work.

**AN. I hope that this chapter does not disappoint especially after such a long absence. I am sorry it took so long to update, updates will be faster from now on but reviews help! LOL. He will talk to each one individually so who should be next?**


	14. It's too important

**AN Please do not read if you have not seen the finale of season 3! **

**Disclaimer None are mine. They all belong to CBS I just like to play with them.**

**I have left this fic and my other Her Goodbye for entirely too long so I will be trying in the next couple of weeks to actually finish them. Again I am sorry and hope that your reviews will motivate me to finish both of them.**

It was me.

It was early in what I assume was the next morning that I heard her come into my room. She is quieter than usual, she has no book to read to me this morning and I wonder if something horrible has happened. When I open my eyes I see her staring into space. Her dark eyes wander toward mine in an aimless manner that I wonder if she is even aware of.

"Hey Emily you okay?" I try to smile at her but she seems like she is ready to cry.

"Did you tell anyone about Hotch and me?" There is no accusation in her voice but I do detect some desperation.

"No I didn't why?"

"We decided that the BAU is too important to both of us Morgan." She says it as if it were just a fact and there is no emotion that it carries but I can see on her face that there is more under the surface than she would ever admit even to me.

"I'm sorry Emily."

"Don't be it's for the best." With that she stands and without looking back walks from my room.

I wonder if he will come to my room to tell me too or if they had decided that it should be her that does the telling. It makes me sad that she had a glimpse of what could have been only to have it torn away from her in this way or maybe she was the one that did the tearing away. I had hoped that they could have been happy together they both deserve a little happiness.

It is then that my thoughts drift to Penelope and while I am tempted to wonder why the sun is beginning to peak on the horizon and I think sleeping for a little longer is a better idea.

**AN. Well I think some of you were bothered by the pairing in the last chapter so I decided that I would do this and see what the response would be. I think that JJ may be next followed by a chapter for Garcia. It seems to there should also be one for just Hotch as that seems to be needed not only to wrap up this issue but to deal with the earlier yelling that Hotch did. It just seems to me especially after the second episode of season three (I think) where Morgan tells him he wouldn't want to hang out but he needed him as a leader that it is necessary. **


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